BULLYING: WHAT ARE WE
DOING WRONG?
Part I
With all of the
“Anti-Bully” and “Stop Bullying Now” programs prevalent in our society, we are
still loosing our kids to this aberrant behavior. There isn’t a week that goes
by that I hear of one of my students mention bullying they saw, heard of, or in
a few cases, were on the receiving end of. These events are no longer isolated
incidences but have now become the norm. With all the focus on stopping
bullying, why is the problem getting worse instead of better.
As a Martial Art
Instructor, child mentor, and someone who was bullied in a long past and
distant time, bullying has been a study near and dear to my heart. After years
of seminars, workshops, lectures, and various “anti-bully” programs, I’m
beginning to wonder if in our zeal to stop bad things from happening, we have
exacerbated the problem. We have created this vision of eradicating bullying
therefore ending bully-driven suicide and violence. Unfortunately, legislative
solutions are more idealistic than practical and tend to distract from the
reality of the issue.
The dominance
game, i.e. bullying, is a natural part of human social interaction. Regardless
of how unacceptable our civilized and educated culture might find it, a certain
profile of human given a certain set of circumstances, will seek to increase
their social status at the expense of lowering someone else’s. As much as we
love our kids and think they are the most wonderful beings on the planet, they
are basically amoral. Appealing to a child’s morals is not reliable since they
are still forming them. Good, bad, right, wrong, fear, courage, are not innate
and are taught via the culture they live in.
Morals, values, and customs are relative but several themes are
consistent. Throughout our history, physical strength, power, and the will to
fight for the group have been revered. The natural inclination for humans is to
seek status within “their” group. With this in mind, how can you expect a
socially cognizant twelve year old to be morally mature given the decisions
adults make on Reality Shows? While a
moral campaign is still an ideal goal, it may not work and does nothing to end
the torment affecting our children here and now.
Forty-nine
states have passed anti-bullying legislation that on the surface feels
good for everyone involved. Unfortunately, unless an actual crime is committed,
i.e. battery or assault, there are no criminal or civil repercussions. More
importantly to the schools, there is no funding for these laws. School systems
are left to implement various mandated programs, educate teachers and staff,
and by the way, find the funding themselves to make sure it’s done right. As a
business partner and OASIS Volunteer with the Osceola Schools system, I am very
familiar with our over-burdened and over-worked educators so it has been no
surprise that responses to accusations of bullying tend to favor the bully.
Osceola Country does have one of the better programs in place with its
Designees These are selected and trained senior administrators designated to
address bullying complaints. Unless seen by staff, witnesses, or physical
evidence is present though, more often than not, it is the bully’s word against
the victim’s and little gets done.
This brings us to the point of the relationship between
the bully and the victim. Why do some kids pick on other kids? Bottom line is
because they can and they want to. Social scientists will pontificate on the
reasons why one child chooses to bully another but at the end of the day, they
are all excuses. Kids and adults will always find a reason to pick on
someone else. Understanding this, we may rationalize that bullying is a relationship
between two parties based upon an imbalance of power. If we can accept this precept, those in authority can begin
to formulate an appropriate plan of action.
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